Seventh Circle, Third Ring

Ain't That A Bitch

2005-11-22T16:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a hypothetical question to the three people who read my blog.

Let's just say that your Aunt in years past dated a guy who is now a camera technician and this gentleman has actually worked some pretty good films. Now here we are twenty-five years later and said cameraman has not even attempted to look for another woman because he was so enamored with your Aunt. Would it be wrong to sabotage my Aunt's marriage in hopes that she may possibly be able to get me an apprenticeship with this cameraman?

"If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and get lectured by a pervert. "

2005-11-14T14:40:00.000-05:00

A few years ago I purchased a custom made guitar. I recently decided that since I'm not working and I need something to function better in the band I would sell this guitar since its worth a lot and the least played. Was it divine providence that caused me to receive a postcard from Sam Ash saying that this weekend only we will be paying top dollar for any used equipment, I'm not sure but I packed up the guitar and was on my way. I get to the store an find a sales rep, once he opens the case he was in shock, "whoa, that's a pretty sweet guitar." Aha!! I well certainly be getting somewhere around the offer I wanted. There was a metalhead shredding out in the aisle right in front of me who asked why would I ever be getting rid of that guitar. Excellent, Excellent. I most certainly will be walking out of here with all the little goodies I want plus some cash in my pockets. The sales guy disappears for ten minutes to talk to his manager. I thought maybe they were looking up the value online or something. I see the shimmer of emerald green from across the room ah here it is. "My boss says two..." Before the guy can finish I think two thousand I never thought it could be that much with out haggling. "hundred." What did this guy just say two hundred. I broke out in a fit of hysterical laughter. The metal guys jaw drops and he just shakes his head. "Sorry dude, but he says that the body shape is too weird and its a seven string" I continued to laugh and put the guitar back in the case and walked-out. What an insult to me and my guitar.

Damn you Apocalypse, Damn you. Apocalypse!!!!!

This is what she looks like but she doesn't have gold hardware and there is an extra string. Two hundred dollars buys you a starter guitar that is going to crap out after two years. There are at least 150 to 200 hours on her and there isn't any fret wear. What bullshit.

180 bpm

2005-11-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

I joined a gym this week, apparently this took quite a few people by surprise. A brief physical description of myself would be 6' 1" and 145 lbs, I'm quite thin, not ghastly thin but thin enough. Yes, I have actually gone three days already. On the third day I had a session with a personal trainer where I set the standard for a work out to be designed on Tuesday. Now maybe its because I lifted legs the previous day, but when I was told to ride the stationary bike for five minutes I cringed just slightly. My burning legs began peddling and the burn begins to spread up my quads. After two minutes cardio wise I was fine but my legs felt as if they were going to be sheared away by the rotating pedals. I looked down at the little monitors and I saw the bpm meter, 180 that seems a bit high for two minutes on this contraption, so I asked my trainer, "can this possibly be right?". He looked at the flashing LEDs, "I guess" was his reply. Now I certainly don't claim to be an expert when it comes to aerobic exercise, but I thought at that speed hearts exploded. I felt fine, aside from my legs. Three minutes later -16 was my fitness score I don't know exactly what that means but the next thing to illuminate the screen was "very poor". No shit. That leads me to today, can barely make up stairs, hurts to lay down, it feels like my legs have piano wire being pulled in and out of them all the time. Damn me and my want to be more than 145.

He sucks!

2005-10-28T15:34:00.000-04:00

M Night Shyamalan is probably my most hated writer and director of all times. Every article I have ever read with this guy has him erroneously claiming that his stories are so hard to figure out and mental. Anyhow before I rant about him some more I need to say that here is a little article about what M Night says about the new proposal in Hollywood to have DVD's and movies in theaters released simultaneously. I never thought I would have disagree with the view point he puts foward but if he says he'll stop making movies then I'm all for it.

"When There Is No More Room In Hell The Dead Will Walk The Earth"

2005-10-28T15:12:00.000-04:00

In light of my recent brush with the undead I propose a scenario.

If the dead were returning to life and feasting on the flesh of the living everywhere not just in a few localized areas what would you do?

I would be going to Maryland because my friends apartment building is well fortified with many security doors. Down the road there is also a Wal-Mart that sells firearms and ammuntion as well as non-perishable goods. I think that would be my course of action.

Zombie Apocalypse

2005-10-25T11:38:00.000-04:00

Lately my life has been wrought with zombie filled coincidences. This is certainly not a bad thing because zombies, the undead, flesh-eaters, and stenches as they are sometimes referred to are one of my favorite horror creations. I have received numerous text messages and voicemails from my friend who lives in Maryland about the undead when I'm watching a zombie movie or talking about them this past week.

Land of the Dead is a very good movie, I would only recommend the Unrated Cut though much more gore and peeling flesh.

bleech

2005-10-17T11:30:00.000-04:00

Unemployment brings Absinthe hangover on Monday morning. Not good. Even when I'm not working Mondays still suck.

How can it be called Irish then?

2005-10-14T21:45:00.000-04:00

I was recently in New Mexico, whilst there I noticed a very strange thing that I think everyone needs to know about. If you go to a bar and order an Irish Car Bomb it doesn't come with Jameson. How can it even be an Irish Car Bomb without the whiskey? For those of you who may not know a Irish Car Bomb is 3/4 a pint of Guiness with a shot that is half Baileys Irish Cream and Half Jameson Whiskey. You take the shot drop it in the pint glass and chug. Repeat until vomiting or drunk.

*This is not to be attempted by non-drinkers, people who have chugging deficiencies, and/or have stomach linings that are less durable then cast iron. Thulsa Doom can not be held responsible for injuries sustained during the preparation, drinking, or hang-over periods*

"God IS dead! Satan Lives!"

2005-10-13T13:48:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know I stopped blogging because my old job, I'm now unemployed, installed a security system on their internet. Don't think I've taken up the habit of swearing in my posts or revealing confidential information but they were born-again Christians. How did I get the job, why did I keep it, they may seem like complex questions but they're really not, they paid me. So I guess that makes me a mental whore... I feel dirty.

I hate Christians. Let me rephrase that. I hate 85% of the Christians I've met and worked with. If anyone perchance stumbles unto this and can answer why they are so hypocritical leave me an answer.

Is This How Interpersonally Challeneged People Are?

2004-12-14T21:53:00.000-05:00

I'm at a loss about this article. I mean I'm not the most talkative or friendly person, in fact I'm pretty much a nasty hermit, but I still have never thought of hiring anybody to help me talk to more people or even get laid. Society is so fucked now that people need to hire wingmen to help them. We're all going to die.

RIP Big Ed's BBQ

2004-12-13T21:55:00.000-05:00

This sucks...

My roomate and a friend of ours decided that we would go out to Big Ed's BBQ tonight. The fate's however decreed that it would be closed. So forevermore there will never be tasty all you can eat ribs or pulled pork for decent prices. It is indeed a sad day in New Jersey.

Tomorrow I will be making arrangements to purchase the location and re-open Big Ed's BBQ as my own.

Darrell Abbott

2004-12-09T19:09:00.000-05:00

RIP Darrell Abbott. One of Metal's best guitarists gone to soon.

He could play his pick-up magnets for Christ's sake.

Way to Die

2004-11-30T15:02:00.000-05:00

This is an award winning story

Yeah so I ended up here because my lava lamp wasn't working. No, seriously... I was sitting there staring at it and the stuff inside wasn't moving. I took it into the kitchen and put it on the range after a few minutes it started to change shape so I pulled up a chair and watched it when all of a sudden it exploded in my face. I tried to get a band aid when I died in my doorway. That's how I ended up in hell.

Old Man - The Reprise

2004-11-28T13:58:00.000-05:00

I went to go see Alexander with two friends Wednesday night. There was a group of three fifty year olds sitting in the row in front of us. As soon as the movie started they began talking, the woman's cell phone went off and they just wouldn't stop. Here is how the exchange goes.

Me - Hey... Shut up.
Old Guy 1 - What?! You can't talk like that. Have some respect. You Punk!
Me - Watch it old man.
Old Guy 1 - This is an emergency.
Old Guy 2 - You want to take it outside.
Me - Wait till after the movie.
Old Guy 2 - You aren't even old enough.
Me - Old enough to kick your ass.

Now I find it weird that this is the second time in a week that I've been referred to as a punk. It is also bizarre that multiple old men, this group and sweatpants, wnat to get into a fight with someone who is half there age. They must have drove in from Manville.

The Depths of My Bald Spot

2004-11-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

I saw a short film last night that I helped my friend make in film school. It was funny to watch because it was better than any Jeff Fahey movie I've ever seen, and "Remo Williams". There was some stuff that was cool and some stuff that certainly sucked. Like there were only four of us working on it, but ten or twelve zombies. Despite the different wardrobe it is still pretty obvious by my bald spot alone that I'm always me. Which leads me to my point. I've lost so much hair in the past three years. (we shot three years ago to the day) I didn't have a lot of hair back then either but now there is nothing left by comparison. It is quite depressing. I'm so glad I got in the habit of shaving my head. Sigh...

Sweatpants?!

2004-11-23T13:19:00.000-05:00

As a friend has already posted about this I now feel like it is my duty as a passenger in the "dirty old man running across the road" incident to point out that he was wearing a hat for 'W' as well as the sweat suit. Is it possible for him to suck anymore? He also referred to us as punks. That's a bit bizarre. Now take the sweat suit, the beard that a fifteen year old boy tries to grow, the 'W' hat, the punks remark, and the fact that he was going to tell his brother on us, what do you get? A fifty year old guy that probably should have gotten his ass kicked even though he was old and probably mentally challenged.

$28,000.00

2004-11-23T12:04:00.000-05:00

The sandwich from god went for $28,000.00.

Beyond My Childhood Dreams

2004-11-19T16:05:00.000-05:00

I would definitely pay mass quantities of money to own a set of these. I wonder if it will be for sale sometime soon.

Quote of the Day

2004-11-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

"Do you think Colin Powell knows how much of a fuck his son is? If he was my kid, I'd be heart broken. I would want to know what I did wrong that made him such a fuck"-Dexter 11-17-04

Sandwich From God?

2004-11-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

Does anybody remember five or six years ago when it seemed everyone and their mother found the Virgin Mary in various places? Well, she's back. Not really, somebody decided to sell their ten year old, half eaten, grilled cheese sandwich that bears the likeness of Mary, on E-Bay. What is truly mind boggling about this is the fact that it got pulled last week when the highest bid was $22,000.00. What the hell!!! If some lady can profit off a decade old sandwich what the hell am I doing with a job? I could start making tasty food treats with religious icons depicted on them save the lot for a few years and sell them all on E-Bay.

100% Chance of Showers

2004-11-16T16:06:00.000-05:00

This is pretty cool. We (earth) will be in the midst of meteor showers for the next four to five days. Aurora Borealis was definitely worth watching, the odds of this being worth seeing are pretty high. Especially if this is going to look like the thing my roommate and I saw streak across the sky while coming back from "Dunkin Donuts". Because that thing we saw was worth watching for. Hopefully nothing huge will impact on earth, destroying mankind and leading to the rise of dinosaur sized cockroaches.

Damn, That's A Lot Of Calories

2004-11-16T12:25:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this time to say it is about damn time that someone stepped up to the plate, quite literally, with a sandwich that can choke a camel. So, I tip my hat to Hardee's food chain... Thank you. It's nice to see a fast food place that isn't afraid of being sued because people are so damn lazy that they gorged themselves at the trough of convience and got fat instead of practicing moderation. I just need to find somebody that has eaten at a Hardee's to make sure the burgers taste good.

I Don't Commend The Attacking And Killing of Old Women But Holy Crap.

2004-11-16T11:48:00.000-05:00

A Great White Shark that is eighteen feet long! I think they called that movie "Jaws". The South African government are probably going to go kill the shark now. Do you think that there will be tours to go see the behemoth shark that time forgot? If so I'm going.

My Apologies

2004-11-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'd like to personally apologize to every other country in the world for the shithead we have in office. For what he has done the past four years, and what is going to do the next four. It is indeed a sad day in America and on Earth. At least all other countries can say that 58 million of you aren't utterly retarded. I can't believe this Bush wants toappoint Condoleezza Rice the Secretary of State.

"Lost City" of Atlantis

2004-11-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

It isn't so lost anymore is it? Click Me

Monday Afternoon

2004-11-15T13:12:00.000-05:00

Still recovering from the Friday of the weekend gone. It was intensely drunk. Tequila bad. Wine bad. Spinal Tap Good. My kidneys and liver were definitely not happy with me on Saturday morning. That passed slowly sometime after Guitar browsing, CD shopping, and some PS2. (Thank you Donvier for letting me sit in the front seat.)

Has anybody been to a music store that has that "scan and play" system? Aside from feeling very dirty for using the communal headphones, have you ever actually had a CD you wanted to hear play? I decided to get some more international music at the store, so I decided to take advantage of the "scan and play". 75% of what I wanted to hear came up as "CD Unknown" I know some of choices were a little bizarre, because they were international and we are in America. What the hell is the point of the "scan and play" if nothing fucking played?
There was a CD that claimed "If Gladys Knight could do this she wouldn't have need the Pips" no I need to hear to believe it. It was just a yodeling Chinese or Tibetan singer. At least that one worked.

2:00 Am on Saturday

2004-11-13T01:51:00.000-05:00

Good morning. I'm fucking drunky right now. I've been listening to a shit load of Morrissey this evening. But tequila and wine and Jack and coke have severley impaired any function of mine right now. There is a cat on my lap I feel kinda like Marlon Brando from the Godfather

For Those About To Rock

2004-11-11T16:51:00.000-05:00

I've decided that it would be extremely unwise to call the band "the George Lucas Experiment" because Lucas would probably sue the pants off us. It might be funny not to have any pants. However, it is now November, winter is on its way and it's getting colder by the minute.

Accounts Receivable Hell

2004-11-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

Booking entries into accounts that are only numbers. Magical fraudulent numbers indeed. Who even knows what the hell all this means? The person that thought up this system should be killed. They have probably been dead for years... someone needs to figure out how to bring them back from the dead just so I can kill them... again. Kind of like refried beans, just not as tasty. "cause that's like killing some shit twice". I got a raise for loafing. A promotion too. Is there no end to the madness that is Nonprofit Accounting?

One Dollar Shots

2004-11-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

All I have to say is that any bar that has one dollar shots and two dollar bar food can't be bad. It's true I was there and it was good they had that golf game and ten TVs all playing the football game. I think I've died and gone to heaven. No, shit I'm at work again.

Rocket Propelled Transportation

2004-11-08T12:12:00.000-05:00

I think the next wave in technological advancements should be in the field of transportation namely the individual rocket pack. Like the movie "The Rocketeer" minus the guy with the sinister moustache, the Nazi’s, the queer looking helmet, and Jennifer Connelly. If we all had rocket packs we could greatly reduce the number of vehicles on the ground, increase travel time, and fuel efficiency. That could effectively lower the cost of fuel because the demand would drop. Let's do the math... A trip to Baltimore takes me two hours and forty-five minutes averaging about seventy to seventy-five miles per hour, let say on a jet pack you could fly one hundred and fifty miles per hour that cuts the travel time in half. Not to mention the tolls and the other asshole motorists you wouldn't have to deal with. With my car I can get to Baltimore and back and one or two trips to work on a tank that costs thirty dollars to fill, a person who weighs one hundred and seventy five pounds would probably be able to make it there and back with say fifteen to twenty dollars of rocket fuel.
Later the downsides of rocket pack technology.

Rocket Propelled Transportation II

2004-11-08T12:02:00.000-05:00

The downside of a rocket propulsion system contained on someone's back is first the extreme heat that would be created by the thrusters. If using a rocket pack you would probably explode in flight. The second would be maneuverability how the hell would you steer one. The survival rate of crash victims would probably be 0%. Fuck it this idea sucks. I'll just drive everywhere like everyone else.

Happy Birthday!!!

2004-11-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

I'm just writing this to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Famke Janssen. Well, she's a good actress and quite attractive too.

Music To My Ears

2004-11-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Last night I was listening to Bob Marley, once "Roots, Rock, Reggae" came on I just started feeling happy. Then I remember something my roommate said. Apparently major chords and progressions are easier for your ears to hear, so it makes your head happy. Naturally Bob is the epitome of happy time music. This is kind of a weird thought, because I enjoy listening to minor toned music most of the time . Perhaps that is why I'm always a dick? That's something to think about.

Those Darn Canadians

2004-11-04T15:25:00.000-05:00

This guy is either the stupidest man that ever flew LAX or the ballseyest.

CD Shopping

2004-11-04T14:35:00.000-05:00

It was my lunch hour, a friend of mine wanted me to pick him up a CD before I go down to his place in Baltimore, so I did the logical thing... go buy it. I went to three stores and none of them had it. It may be an obscure disc but I've already got a copy and I saw more "out of the box" stuff than what I was looking for. All of a sudden I feel like my cash isn't good enough to spend. Has it become so bad that a society based around sloth and convenience is too fucking lazy to stock it? For christ’s sake I can't find a stupid piece of plastic with some music etched onto it. What the hell is going on here! Am I the only sane consumer left.

Praiseworthy Mediocrity

2004-11-04T10:23:00.000-05:00

Lately at work I've been at bit on the unfulfilled side. I feel kind of empty about my job and the 8 hours of work. It is now really weird when I get praise for doing what I personally consider mediocre. Does that mean I automatically have a higher standard, if my boss thinks that something I threw together in thirty minutes between looking at stories in the news is excellent what does that mean? I must say I feel uncomfortable because I'm being praised for doing less then what I could.

Write in the Vote 2008

2004-11-03T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty pissed off about this election. It did however prove my theory that John Kerry is a pussy, who can't focus on, well, anything it seems. Ha... conceding what a loser. Also, Bush is a big asshole he didn't even win the election and he thinks he is so great with his "fuzzy numbers".
My proposal in response to this debacle is to start, "Write in the Vote 2008". It will be a campaign run by me in which we elect the least qualified politician but perhaps a great actor/ entertainer/ philosopher. I'm not really picky just as long as it is not a politician on our ballot.
I'll keep everyone posted for possible candidates in the upcoming four years, it will be sooner than that though. This will take some careful planning, foresight and at least one person who isn't an asshole/politician.

Baby Back Beer

2004-11-02T13:32:00.000-05:00

I implore all beer makers to figure out how to brew an alcoholic beverage that is 10% and tastes exactly like Baby Back Ribs. I personally would be sloshed 24/365 if there was such a concoction, but that’s just me.

Hoorays and Boos

2004-11-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

I would like to give a "Hurrah" to all of the following things

Doritos
Drakes Cakes
Big Ed's BBQ
Princeton Record Exchange
Mom & Pop's Book Stores all around the country
The large Latte that only cost $2.10
Ibuprofen
Guinness
Absinthe
Vodka

You have all contributed to a most worthy cause - keeping the weekends suck free

I would like to “boo” the following

New "dawn of the dead"
The script writers for new "dawn of the dead"
Any fast moving, cat-like, hissing and growling zombies
The neighbors
The Mega Millions Lottery, why aren't I a millionaire yet
Stephen King and his legion of idiotic fans
The asshole Hollywood hot shot who thought it would be a good idea to remake "Suspiria"
The guy with the mullet
The guy with the mullet's friend who had his sweater tied around his neck

You all are responsible destroying just a little piece of decency and humanity, and I was forced to watch first hand.

What Is It Doing In My Soda?!?!

2004-11-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I was drinking a soda and actually looked at the ingredients. I was a bit dismayed that there is "Brominated Vegetable Oil" in it. I don't know what that is but I must be honest, it concerns me a bit. If I think of vegetable oil I don't think of mixing it with a tasty carbonated beverage and I certainly don't think that I would want to mix it with Bromide. So the whole thing seems a bit fishy to me. If anybody out there reads this and knows why there is "brominated vegetable oil" in at least four of the sodas I drink could you let me know. Last I checked bromide is bad.

IT'S A NEW RECORD!!!

2004-10-29T10:44:00.000-04:00

So, the world record for the anal gang bang now stands at one hundred and one. Because, well we all know that it's so much harder to take 102 dicks than 101 or even 100. The video should be out in a month or two. That must be long. No pun intended. I must say I'm impressed in a really disturbed and disgusted way. To each his/her own... or one hundred and one other peoples swingbags banging against your ass.

Cheesecake

2004-10-28T15:27:00.000-04:00

All I can say is that Fried Cheesecake is great. Whoever thought up frying cheesecake deserves the nobel prize. It is so tasty. I wonder what they bread the cake with before dropping it in the fryer. The coating tastes different than the fried ice cream, which is also incredible. If only every restraunt served it. I do think it is a little on the over indulgent side to be considered fit for regular comsumption.

Hollywood Needs an Enema

2004-10-27T16:06:00.000-04:00

I just found out that they are going to remake "Suspiria". Why is it impossible for writers to come up with original stories? There is absolutely no reason for anybody out there to go and remake this movie. They are re-writing the script as I type. If they are going to use only the basic premise then change the name. Like new "Dawn of the Dead" should have been called "20 Million dollar zombie disgrace". New "Suspiria" should be "Blood in the Dance Hall That Money Can't Remake" or "Stephen King presents another huge waste of time and money that brings shame upon the original". I'm just so appalled by Hollywood and the screenwriters. I think I taste vomit...

World Series Game 3

2004-10-27T10:41:00.000-04:00

I must say that I'm a tad disgusted at this world series. First boston is playing in it. I can't stand anything sports related that comes from boston or massachusetts. So the red sox being in the series makes me mad. Secondly nobody hit the frigging sign that they had put out by the score board, which translates into no free tacos. So even worse than the possibilty of another champion bostonian team is I'm not getting my free taco. Damn it! Oh yeah, no free tacos for anyone!!! The entire United States could've had a free taco, even boston. But they couldn't hit that sign.

New "Dawn of the Dead" Sucks...

2004-10-26T16:53:00.000-04:00

The new 2004 re-release piece of crap rewrite, (I'm sorry I need to distance all the bullshit from the name), of "Dawn of the Dead" totally sucks... I have never despised any remake as much as this movie. George Lucas and the atrocities of the new Star Wars, his episodes 1, 2, 3 and the ungodly special editions he released, don't suck nearly as much as this movie. When I first saw this in the theatre I wanted my money back because it sucked so bad. In fact I wanted to write a letter to Zack Snyder and let him know what an abomination his movie was. So hopefully anyone who played apart in that TRASH will read this blog entry.

Sadly I'm going to go buy it today anyway. I'm just a sucker for horror movies with heaps o' violence I guess. If I support the system then maybe decent zombie movies will be made right?

Free Tacos... No Joke

2004-10-25T16:36:00.000-04:00

This is the best news I've ever seen Free tacos just because some people who play sports hit home runs. I have never been this happy in my entire life. The oppurtunity for free tacos!!! They really are free we don't have to do shit but go get our food. I'm so excited about this I've highlighted this whole entry to take you to the article. Holy Shit!!! Free Tacos!!! Somebody better hit that frigging sign

Dumb Idea #2

2004-10-25T15:19:00.000-04:00

Sure let's put Jessica Simpsons' younger sister Ashlee in the spotlight because she can be even more annoying and talent-less. Just like her sister they can market her as a sex symbol, though she is only a teenager. You can obviously make a lot of money off a fifteen year old girl. While you're at it pull a stunt that is reminiscent of what happened with Milli Vanilli. What you get is a recipe for disaster. I think it is great that a "live" television show screwed up and brought to light the lack of ability in Ashlee. All we need now is for the public to realize that "pop music" is only a sham and stop buying the records.

Alas the public is stupid and this shall go on for eternity.
(this entry is the color of crap, because that is what it is)

Random Thought #2

2004-10-25T13:20:00.000-04:00

The new Thai Sesame Chicken sub at Subway rocks. That sandwich is so tasty and for only 4.00 isn't that pricy either. If it came down to it I would rather eat the sub than the majority of the other "fast food" items. (The low fat or calorie thing doesn't make a difference in my decision.) I would actually like to buy the sesame sauce that they put on the sandwich because it is so tasty. If only Subway served french fries.

Random Thought #1

2004-10-25T10:30:00.000-04:00

High pressure power washers are suprisingly fun. When you can chip a line in a driveway with a glorified hose it is pretty neat. It can even strip paint off a car. Granted the car was older, mid to late Eighties, but that's still impressive. The problem with the power washer is once you start it is really hard to stop, I missed the begininning of the third quarter of the Saints vs Raiders game. Curses to things that are so much fun.

Stupid News

2004-10-21T16:14:00.000-04:00

This is classic. I wonder how big the pick-up truck of the guy involved is? I hope he didn't damage his motor home in the process.

School Says Halloween Disrespectful to Witches That is just so ridiculous. I wonder which witch is going to be pissed about kids having fun and eating candy. People are just so fucking stupid sometimes.

...Only Two Days Until History...

2004-10-21T15:14:00.000-04:00

So it's only two days until some porn star is going to break the anal gang bang record. That is just so unbelievable that I have to write about it again. Everyone involved must be so excited, I bet all the guys are looking foward to see the 99 other naked guys. They even released the design of the tee-shirts they are giving to the hundred or so sexually depraved gentleman who are going to line up one after another to put it in this girls butt. That would make me happy too.

Ugh. The thought of that is just so damn revolting.

"Cave looter pleads guilty to corpse abuse"

2004-10-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

There is a story in the news about a guy guilty of corpse abuse and conspiracy to commit murder. He apparently dug up ancient indian corpses and re-buried them on his property. On top of digging up indians in Nevada and mistreating the mummified bodies, he hired four assassins to kill the people who knew about his. This guy must be a real winner. I'll give a dollar to the first person who can get this sold as a screen play including all the corpse touching.
The Story

Out Sick

2004-10-20T13:38:00.000-04:00

I got to work yesterday and started to feel really sick. Everybody I work with kept telling me that I looked horrible and I should go home and rest. Well, as soon as I got home I felt fine. I watched the "Godfather" trilogy and that was about it. I came into work a little late today, and I feel great. I wonder if I was dreading work so badly that I actually made myself sick. Then why am I fine today? I'm at work at my desk adding numbers up.
Why did they make "Godfather 3"? It was truly horrible. The dialogue TRASH. The plot... was there even a plot. Incest. The son and daughter that couldn’t act. What else could they have done wrong? That was the longest three hours of a movie I ever sat through. (Contact and the Matrix sequels were only two and a half hours long) Okay, I forgot about "Pearl Harbor". So after "Pearl Harbor", "Godfather 3" was the worst, longest movie I’ve sat through. At least Kate Beckinsale was in "Pearl Harbor".

22:41

2004-10-15T00:19:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen something that is so bad, I'm talking about something that is 100% pure TRASH. Well that's what I saw when I watched the "Demon Within". I should have expected as much. That guy from the "Lawnmower Man" was in it. He must be one of the worst actors that has ever been in anything. I can't even think of one redeeming quality about it. Even the trailers that were on the DVD sucked. It was so horrible that my roommate and I could only stand 22 minutes and 41 seconds of it. Thank god I didn't pay to see that. I just feel bad for my roommate because it’s he actually owns it.

100 It's a World Record

2004-10-13T16:30:00.000-04:00

Apparently there is a lady in the porn industry who wants to be anally violated by at least one hundred guys. I'm a guy, so I don't quite understand the mechanics of penetration from the receiving end, quite frankly I don't want to either it just seems painful. The mystery here is why would you want to be fucked in your ass by at least one hundred guys in twelve hours? I would think you would develop some serious bowel problems with that much anal action. That would probably smell horrible.

When Phone Calls Attack

2004-10-13T14:44:00.000-04:00

Let say you get a phone call and they ask for someone or something that you have no affiliation with and you explain you are not the person to speak to. Why do people feel it necessary to further badger you as if you were just playing a joke? i.e.-

"Hello"
"Hi. Is this ____"
"No, I'm sorry you must have the wrong number."
"Well, this is the number I was given!"
"I'm sorry Miss but this is not the same business"
"How did I get this number then? Can you answer that?"
"I was just kidding this IS ____. That was pretty funny was it? Now how can I help you?"

I really can't figure it out. The more I think about the more my head hurts. This is the only phone call I got from anybody on my work line in a week.

"God Told Me To"

2004-10-12T04:37:00.000-04:00

There is a story on an internet news site about a pharmacist who refused to give a college girl her prescription for birth control pills. His defense for this ludicrous action was that he did not want to experience spiritual pain or discomfort. He was afraid that he would not be able to sleep because of a guilty conscience. This guy is unbelievable. I don't know; maybe it’s because he works at a Wal-Mart in Wisconsin that he is completely fucked. That's not it... it’s the fact he is a dumbass god-head. Doesn't a pharmacist know that a woman being on birth control could be for other reasons, acne, it helps to regulate the cycle. Irregardless this asshole should have either given this girl her medication or gotten a different job. Click here for the full story (these links are only good for about a week so if doesn't work I'm sorry, try a google search)

People need to start taking responsibility for their own actions and stop claiming that "god told me to" or "my parents didn't love me". It is all a cop out. Every time someone does something stupid like this they should have to be publicly humiliated. How else are they going to learn some of this basic and fundamental principles like, you don't have a say in what someone else wants to do with their body. So if you don't like it you go fuck yourself.

All right I've hit a nerve and I might as well go with it. These religious soul-peddlers piss me off. Why couldn't all religious people just hang out in little communes, like the Amish, and not infect the world with their bullshit. This jerk-off is now trying to say that it is his constitutional right to deny this girl the pills because of his freedom of religion. Just like trying to ban abortion or same sex marriages. It is this kind of thinking that has perverted our country. When our leaders try to force people to follow a certain belief how can we expect its people to do otherwise?

DO NOT confuse me with the left side of the political spectrum, because I'm conservative to the core. The difference today is that the conservative value is a myth, or a legend. I have been ashamed to call myself conservative since Bush has been in power. By limiting our freedoms the government are increasing the strength of the reigns on us. This is the antithesis of the principles this country was founded on and of conservative values. However this is exactly what both parties wish to accomplish right now. More laws do not equal more freedom. I say screw Bush and screw Kerry. Death to the two party system! Let’s all vote for Gilligan.

Dumb Idea #1

2004-10-11T19:36:00.000-04:00

I heard someone say "I wonder why they haven't made a meat flavored toothpaste". What the fuck were they thinking. Oh sure, hand me that T-Bone over there my mouth isn't feeling fresh right now.

I love meat. It tastes great, smells great, it even looks great. I'll be damned if a toothpaste that tasted like pork chop or rump roast would end up on my toothbrush. That has to be one of the most unhygienic things I've ever heard of.

Meat flavored toothpaste, what would be next dick and vagina flavored mouthwash.

Another Tuesdays Plight

2004-10-11T17:36:00.000-04:00

Why are there so many good movies coming out on DVD every week and why isn't there enough money to buy them all? I know there are a lot of Trash things coming out, but I don't want them just the good ones. I need a job that pays me a ridiculous amount of money, that is easy, and doesn't deal with people. If anybody knows of such a thing please let me know. Help, please I need to keep this DVD monkey at bay.

I also want to know why they release a movie, for example "Easy Rider" it comes with nothing special. Four years later they release the "Special Edition" and then a year later they have the audacity to release the "Thirty-Fifth Anniversary Edition". Who the hell is responsible for that and why haven't they been back-handed yet?

Curses to Hollywood, I mean they made Kevin Costner a star for christ's sake

What Did You Do?

2004-10-10T02:26:00.000-04:00

There was this car at an intersection that I passed that had 8 bullet holes in it. I really wanted to ask the guy driving how in the name of god did he get shot at a minimum of eight times in rural New Jersey? I mean did he piss off some rich guy that decided he would shoot this guy's car to get him to go away? The next thing I want to know is who in Jersey decided it would be a good idea to shoot at this guy's car? You know the guy driving had to know all the answers because nobody else would buy a car that had been shot. This leads me to believe that this guy must be a huge dick or he knows some real assholes. Either way it would have made an interesting conversation.

Morrissey, Stretch Marks, and Pumpkins

2004-10-08T19:00:00.000-04:00

I went down to Asbury Park last evening to go see Morrissey with my Uncle and two of my cousins. Now I'm not quite sure why people who go to see him think that it is okay to jump on stage and try to grope him. But, it is an apparent inevitability that once Morrissey is on stage that all sexes want to fondle him. I wonder if this happens to him everywhere he plays. I've only seen him in the New York area, but I think I've seen at least one person jump on stage every show. Last night was no different. Every other song one or two people would get up on stage and give Moz a hug and probably start crying. It used to be that once someone got on stage he would just walk off. Surprisingly though he lasted through the whole set.

He came back to do an encore, which I've only seen him do twice. It just so happened to be one of my favorite Smith songs, "there is a light that never goes out" all at once six or seven people at any moment were on or attempting to get on the stage with him. My respect to the security team for doing a good job until three people got him at once. So he just walked off. The lot of us were quite upset. So we were half in the bag and decided to get some retribution, by bothering the people who were up front. One guy that walked by had crack hanging out, so my Uncle just goes over and starts pulling up his pants. In return the guy shows his ID, he was from California. Which I have to say is impressive, he came all the way from the other coast, but why did I need to see his ID as well as his ass?

After we got kicked out of the theatre by some squat lady, we took to the streets. Out on the Boardwalk I decided to find the bastards who caused Moz to walk off stage, I just walked up to random people and kept asking "did you get up on stage and scare Moz?” Most people just seemed to be a bit scared, and not one had the courage to admit it. We went to the bar across the street; there was a huge troll like figure who was trying to pick us all up inside. It was like looking at a bakery display, only not appetizing and with stretch marks and a shirt that wouldn't have fit on a five year old. So, one fellow kept egging her on grabbing her thigh and dancing with her. It was grotesque to put it mildly. A good hour of that and we dragged our now obliterated companion out.

About a block from the bar I turned around to see my Uncle who is thirteen years older than me jump a fence and grab a huge frigging pumpkin and try to run down the street to catch up to us. He naturally collapses with the pumpkin, so we go back to get him, when this drunk nasty looking prostitute with two black eyes starts trying to pick me up. I think I would have been flattered if she wasn't trying to get me to pay two dollars for it.(I really don't know how much she would've charged)

Drunken debauchery, prostitiutes, Gimli, some dudes ass. Not too boring for a Thursday night.

Three is the Magic Number

2004-10-07T18:08:00.000-04:00

Whoever wrote that song "Three is a Magic Number", well first, had to be doing some vast quantities of mind altering substances at the time, but more importantly, they were into the flow of the universe, probably due to being thoroughly zooted. Upon closer inspection of this song's theory, I found that, it is true in our physical world. Three truly is a magic number.

Three sticks make a tripod; a tripod can support things on top of it. A bipod that doesn't have feet that are big enough to distribute the weight correctly can't, but a tripod no matter the size of its feet can. Honestly would you rather stand on top of a bipod or a tripod?

Two lines are just that two lines, there is no substance to it. Three lines can make a triangle. A triangle is something that is multi-dimensional. As a corollary we live in the third dimension, length, width, and height. Is this some sort of a weird coincidence?

The musical triad is an oft used chord or series of notes. The tri-tone is like the evil triad. So our ears are even aware of the power of three. In art there are the three primary colors.

Everything always happens in three. Assassins all have three word names. Braveheart is three hours long. The Lord of the Rings consists of three books. Three ring binders. Three day weekends. Three meals a day. There are three members in the Doors. The holy trinity. The number of sixes in 666. The three Great Pyramids of Egypt. The third planet from the Sun. God. That’s right it’s a three letter word.

It must be a conspiracy. All things start with three and all things end in three. “Three is a magic number” wasn’t just some drug induced ditty for kids! It was a drugged crazed attempt at over throwing the world with some form of simple number theory! Have I gone mad? Oh no... that word is made up of three letters too. Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Like Walking in a Dark Room

2004-10-06T16:03:00.000-04:00

For some odd reason I decided to order the new Rammstein CD from a German distributor so I could get it before November. The trick is I don't speak German very well… alright I know enough to get into a fight or slapped. I went to Amazon.de the German Amazon, I found the CD no problem, a search on Amazon must be the same no matter what country. It got a little confusing somewhere around "Zur Kasse Gehen". Needless to say I managed to figure out how to review my purchase. However what the screen actually said is still a mystery. The part that had me stumped for about a half hour was the billing and shipping address. Anybody buy from Amazon before? If so you know they save any addresses you've used, I have a few addresses set up, one for my place in New Mexico, one for my office, another for home, my old office, and one for my billing address. Care was needed to insure that my CD would be delivered to the right location and billed properly. The last thing I want is some sort of international incident via e-mail. 13.78Euro's for the CD and 14.00Euro's for shipping! Translated that's 34.59.

Mission accomplished! I can't believe I paid that much money for a Disc it may be the special edition, but it is still just the same as every over one out there. I wonder if I'm going to start getting German spam now?

The moral of the story is don't buy stuff from foreign distributors unless a) you are getting something you can't get anywhere else b) you are guaranteed that it is going to be cheaper even after shipping.

Good Evening

2004-10-05T21:57:00.000-04:00

This is the first entry in this blog it shan't be very good because I'm going to watch the Shawshank Redemption. The new edition came out today...
So it must be watched.